The story of Alice
I came to Jacaranda from another refuge. My Mum had mental illness issues and my Dad has a new family that I have not been invited to be a part of. Because of Mum’s problems from since I was really little that has left me without parental guidance except my brother who is 2 years older than me. Mum used to leave us for long periods of time to fend for ourselves. In between those times Mum would impose huge expectations on my study and my life. Nothing was ever good enough. I was often left confused with what she wanted from me. My lowest point was when I walked in on her cutting herself with the plates she had just broken on New Years. When I was at Jacaranda I was going through my HSC. Despite my previous great marks, I was struggling because my family was such a mess. In English we did the theme “Belonging”. I was ALONE. I didn’t belong anywhere.
Living at Jacaranda was hard. I was forced to look at my life. I wanted to move forward and needed help to do this. They provided free counselling and although this was sometimes emotionally excruciating, it got me to a place where I had REDEMPTION. I had my life back. It was messy and still hard, but I could do it.
Toward the end of my stay, I went through a journey of my time over the last year and had the opportunity to do something physical to let go of the crap that had controlled my life so far. I did a skydive. I was on top of Sydney, feeling the full bolt breeze. People looked like toothpicks, buildings like small boxes. Life on the ground looked like a shoebox. The freefall was the craziest feeling ever, adrenalin pumped louder than ever and then i couldn't scream cause of the speed of the fall, and I just started wishing I was on ground till I opened my eyes and thought " I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!" Giving a thumbs up to the camera was a total lie when: my ears had popped, the wind felt like shrapnel , I was half awake and felt like I would vomit many a time but it was a crazy-beautiful kind of feeling...
Why on earth did you go skydiving?... It was to get rid of dead weight I've been carrying for far too long... I burnt the memories of self harming the memories of suicidal thoughts and the memory of Stefan as a lover.
I have let go.
Cause,
I don't want to survive, I want to LIVE.
The story of Amelia
I was molested by my stepdad for many years. I was just a Kid. My mum didn’t believe me and then she did, she was all over the place. She goes in between talking to him and not. I don’t understand the relationship there and I don’t care anymore. My mum has cancer and she is going through chemo therapy but for a little while there we were sure she was going to die. My Dad and Mum split up when I was young and I love him so much but he lives with his girlfriend and she doesn’t want me to live with them. They have enough to think about without me. I lived with my boyfriend’s parents for a while but his Mum goes between loving me and thinking I have ruined her son’s life. They asked me to find somewhere more long term after about a month of living there. When I moved to Jacaranda, I didn’t have anywhere else. I felt left behind and FORGOTTEN by my family.
When I came to Jacaranda all I wanted was independence. I felt I already knew all of the things they were trying to teach me. I knew how to cook, to clean - I had a good head on my shoulders. After I let my guard down there I learned I could let my whirlwind of feelings out and people would still be around after and still care about me and like me. I learned how to communicate better, I started to work on my relationship with my Mum, it’s not perfect but we are getting there. I learned to budget and one of my highlights as strange as it sounds was going food shopping with Emma.
I have since moved out with my boyfriend and I feel released. I was equipped with information and skills but I am doing it on my own. My decisions are my own, and my mistakes are my own. I am RELEASED.
